A Little Extra Embarrassment

***WARNING: THE FOLLOWING POST MAY BE OFFENSIVE***

After I posted the poll earlier letting y'all decide what you wanted to read, I panicked and thought to myself, "Oh PLEASE don't let them pick #1" because I'm almost too embarrassed to post it. Not just because it was embarrassing, but because the word involved is just absolutely gross. My family would be so ashamed! It's a good thing they don't know about this blog, and if they ever find out I'll have to be sure to delete this post. Before I start, I do want to add the my friend's grandfather was an incredible man. He was kind and giving. He was a respected business man where he lived.

***ONE LAST WARNING*** Don't say I didn't warn you!

I was an incredibly naive child. Oh don't get me wrong, I wasn't an angel, but I was naive. I was especially naive when it came to slang terms. When Army and I met, he was shocked at how little slang I knew. A guy said something about "choking the chicken" at a party once, and I naively asked, "What chicken? Why would you do that?" Army nearly died. It became a joke about how naive I was. The guys went back and forth between wanting to expand my knowledge, and feeling horribly guilty for corrupting me.

Anyway, this incident happened the first semester of my freshman year. I already had a reputation for my innocence (haha, that almost makes me sound like I was an angel. Fear not, I could drink with the best of them). I went to my friend's grandparents' house for dinner one evening. After dinner, her grandmother pulled out some strawberries from the fridge. My friend and I dug in to the fresh strawberries, but her grandfather asked for a specific topping using a term I hadn't heard. As soon as her grandmother brought out the whipped cream, I knew what her grandfather's word meant. Ah, I knew using context clues would come in handy some day.

About a week later, we were eating dinner in the school cafeteria. I went to a rather small college, but we did have fraternities. They were all on campus. My friend and I were eating at a frat table (It was about 5 tables long) and the table was full. My friend said she was going to go see if there were any fresh desserts. I told her I was stuffed, I'd remain at the table. I was deep in a conversation with a major crush. No way in hell was I getting up and risking another girl stepping in! Oh how I wish now I had just gotten up.

My friend called to me by name (so everybody in the cafeteria knew who she was talking to!) and told me that they had fresh strawberries. Now, you'd think that I would know better than to use a word that I didn't really know what it meant, but since her grandfather had used it, I knew I was safe. What did my I say when she said, "Hey, Lanny, they have fresh strawberries. You want some?" I stood up and said rather loudly, "That depends. Do they have jism to go on them?"

---SILENCE!---

Oh. My. Goodness. You could hear she swooshing as heads turned to see what pervert just said that. The guy I *had* been talking to was laughing so hard as he sunk under the table. After what felt like hours, one of the guys at my table choked out through his laughter, "It's ok, y'all! It was just Lanny that said that!" The room erupted in a mixture of laughter (guys) and horror (girls). I still had NO idea what I had said wrong. When I asked one of the guys, he said he'd tell me, but that I'd probably rather not know. One of them finally told me, and I was so embarrassed! The major hottie I had been talking to said the sweetest thing. He said that the guys all new I had no idea what it meant, and obviously the girls who were horrified DID know, which made them worse.

That event was a standing joke for years! YEARS! Army still thinks it is hilarious. If Linus isn't around, he'll still ask for whipped cream by another name (ahem) just to embarrass me. I'm still not sure which is worse though--the embarrassment of saying it or just the grossness of the word. To this day, I think it's one of the most disgusting words in the English language.

So, now that you've read it, YOU are tagged. I'll come looking at some of your blogs for your most embarrassing moments!