Thursday, October 30, 2008

Extra Wrong, Wrong, Wrong

Let me start by just being blunt. I suck at song lyrics. Royally. My husband and friends love how wrong I get them. And it's not just songs...I got a nursery rhyme wrong too. You know Old King Cole? Well, he wasn't a merry old soul, he was a very old soul until I was in COLLEGE!

When I was little, my cousin got me to call a radio station and request a song. A particular song that he'd heard me singing incorrectly. Because I thought he was the coolest guy on the planet, I did what he wanted. I called the station and asked them to play "I Never Want to Bite the Dust." They dj thought it was so funny, that he asked me to say it again and again and then played the recording of me on the air. And then they played Queen's Another One Bites the Dust.

I should have learned then, but I obviously do not learn from my mistakes. I've misunderstood tons throughout the years, and I'm still doing it. I was convinced Alan Jackson sang "...we found drugs, vowed we'd never give them up" instead of "...we found trust..."

And of course I've misunderstood all the typical ones that most people have trouble with too. We all know Manfred Mann sang "wrapped up like a douche..." right?

So, have you ever misunderstood any lyrics?

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Extra Weird

Can somebody please explain why the hum of Lolly's swing makes me sleepy each time I hear it, but it does NOT put her to sleep?
Can somebody explain why I suddenly crave Sprite? In August of 2002 I was pregnant and SO sick. I'd try sipping on Sprite, but it didn't help. I went for yet another ultrasound, and the doctor (he did them himself) was running late. I was in the exam room waiting for about 30-45 minutes, and I constantly had to bolt to the restroom. After seeing me for at least the 5th time, a nurse took pity on me and got me crushed ice to pour my Sprite over. Though I was very thankful, it didn't help. I had to make a dash during the ultrasound. Talk about embarrassing. Anyway, I haven't been able to handle Sprite since that day. There were times I literally gagged at the thought. On Friday, though, I craved Sprite over crushed ice. When I asked Army to get me one, he was shocked. I craved Sprite again tonight. Weird.
Can somebody explain why my 5 year old is having more trouble sleeping than my two month old?

Monday, October 27, 2008

Extra Random

Five completely random facts about me:

I cannot stand people breathing on me. It drives me insane.

Sock seams drive me nuts.

I love asparagus, cooked spinach, and broccoli tops. Weird, I know.

I like unsweet tea, but I can't stand sweet tea. That's unheard of in the south.

I'm the opposite of most people--I have to have something on my feet when I sleep. I can't stand sleeping with socks though.

So tell me something I don't know about you.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Extra Pathetic

Have I ever introduced myself? No? Well, Hi, I'm Lanny. I'm Lanny, and I have NO backbone. It's amazing I can even stand, but it's obvious that I can't stand up for myself.

I have complained and complained and complained about something recently. Everyone I know has asked why I haven't quit my commitment, but I refuse to quit something I've started until I've seen it out to the end. My plan was to quit as soon as I finished my commitment. Until today. When I agreed to extend it. BECAUSE I HAVE NO BACKBONE! UGH!

So, do any of you have a stock "no" answer? 'Cause I'm in need of one right about now.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

An Extra Meaning

Before I tell tonight's Linusism, let me make clear that SHE DOES NOT KNOW THAT DEFINITION OF THE WORD!!!

Poor Linus has and ear infection, and she got a shot today.  Poor Lolly got four shots today.  My kiddos had a rough day.  Because she wasn't feeling well, Linus asked if we could have a picnic for dinner.  We obliged with an indoor picnic.  It lifted her spirits a little, which put smiles on our faces. 

Shortly after dinner, we had Deal or No Deal on.  On tonight's show the ladies came out in short nurse uniforms.  As they are walking out, Linus looked at Army and said, "Hey, I know the name of that movie; it's Lady and the Tramp!"   I'm not sure which one of us laughed more, and poor Linus had no idea what was so funny.
And speaking of shots...Jeannie and Melissa have these amazing children who did well with their flu shots this year.  I'm inviting them to take Linus with them next year. NEVER AGAIN WILL I TAKE HER!!!  Linus used to be a fabulous shot-taker. This year? Horribly embarrassing.  My sweet child bolted for the door.  I wanted to hide under the exam table.  She screamed and screamed. Then she had the nerve to tell the lady at the front desk that she didn't cry at all (in hopes of getting a sucker).  True, she didn't cry--she S.C.R.E.A.M.E.D.  It was awful!  So Jeannie and Melissa, either you have to tell me how you did it this year (and yes, I bribed!), or you get to take Linus next year.  ;)

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Extra Info

Kim-D tagged me. Sort of.

The rules are to answer the following questions in one word and then pass it on to seven others:

Where is your cell phone? Nightstand
Where is your significant other? basement
Your hair color? Brown
Your mother? bed
Your father? basement
Your favorite thing? children
Your dream last night? nightmare
Your dream/goal? octogenerian
The room you’re in? bedroom
Your hobby? (lately?) eating
Your fear? death (of my children or Army)
Where do you want to be in 6 years? Disney
Where were you last night? Home
What you’re not? hungry
One of your wish-list items? wallet
Where you grew up? NOLA
Last thing you did? fed (Lolly)
What are you wearing? Sweats
Your TV? off
Your pet? dog
Your computer? laptop
Your mood? Tired
Missing someone? yep
Your car? SUV
Something you’re not wearing? shoes
Favorite store? OE
Your summer? HOT!
Love someone? Yes
Your favorite color? green
When is the last time you laughed? 9:00
Last time you cried? today

If they're up for it, I tag:

DANG! It's hard to answer those in one word!

Friday, October 17, 2008

I Heart Linus!

This may be my favorite Linusism ever, and I missed hearing it in person. The school's art teacher had to tell me. Keep in mind that Linus goes to a Christian school.

Linus was coloring a picture, and a little boy told her that purple and black don't go together. Linus got a heart broken look, and the art teacher thought she'd have to step in. Then Linus surprised her and said, "Well, God put them together in a bruise, didn't He? Maybe you should take this up with Him." Then she went back to coloring her picture (which was not a bruise!) as if it never happened.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

...And Again

Donuts and chocolate milk.

What's wrong with me?????

Please, somebody stop me!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Oops I Did It Again...

Chick-Fil-A chicken sandwich.

Enough said.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Extra Sorry!

I did something I haven't done in years. I ate fried food tonight. And now I'm sorry. Very sorry. I think it will be many, many, many more years before I eat it again.

Nevermind. I think it will be never.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

An Extra Meaning

Babies suck.

Army: What did you say, Linus?

I said babies suck.

Army: Linus, we do NOT use words like that in our house.

Oooookaaay, but why not? How else can Lolly eat?

And I had to hide on the stairs and hope they couldn't hear me snorting with laughter.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Another Extra Marital Affair

Would you believe I had an affair with Gene Simmons?

No? Really? How 'bout now?

Sunday, October 5, 2008

An Extra PSA

My grandmother would have celebrated her 100th birthday yesterday. Would have. An ugly beast called cancer robbed us of some precious time with her.

My grandmother was the picture of health. She exercised daily, was a health conscious eater, and handled stress well. She was everything we're told cancer is not. Yet it still took her life.

I'm not sure if you've ever watched a person you love in the end stages of a dreadful disease, but it's pretty awful. I'm a huge fan of hospice; they truly made a difficult time easier, but it's still had to watch a loved one die.

Survival rates in America have increased dramatically over the years. Most cancers have high survival rates if caught early. If you *think* you might have any symptom, please get it checked out.

And now for something I rarely discuss: If you aren't happy with your doctor's diagnosis or lack thereof, PUSH for what you need. TRUST your gut! Had I listened to my doctor, I 100% guarantee I would not be here today. That's not a gut feeling, it's a fact.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

An Extra Spanish Lesson

It's no secret that I was not fond of Linus's Spanish teacher at her old school.  Linus came home the second week of school with this "cutesy" little thing that the was supposed to be a "good job" dance. It was anything but cute.  She had this saying that was done in a sing-song voice, hand movements that went along with it, and it ended with her kissing her pointer finger, turing her bum to us, and sticking her finger on it while making the sizzling sound.  I'm totally aware that most kids do something similar at some point in their lives, but I'm not too fond of a teacher teaching it to my FIVE year old.  Call me old fashioned, but it rubbed me wrong.  

Linus, however, does not know that I'm not a fan of this teacher, so I'm fairly certain that she isn't just trying to get away with something by blaming somebody else for what she did the other night...

After counting to twenty in Spanish, she proudly began clapping and announced, "Crap!"  Army was stunned, and figuring he heard her incorrectly, asked her what she said.  "Crap!" she repeated while clapping again.  Army told her that was not an acceptable word in our house, and she got this puzzled look.  "Why not Daddy? It's Spanish for clap. Ms.____ said so the other day."  

I'm not as up on my Spanish as I should be. Does anyone know what word she could have been trying to use?  Anything close?

Friday, October 3, 2008

Extra Creative

Linus got in a bit of trouble today for littering the basement with crayons, markers, paint, paper, and dvd's.  

At dinner tonight, Army asked Linus if she had picked up.  Linus smiled and told him that she had.  

Army: A lot or a little?
Linus: A teensy tiny bit
A: Well, you better head down there after dinner and pick up ALL of it. 
L: Ok Daddy, but that will cut into my bedtime you know, so you can't get upset if I go to bed late!  
And he's so stinking wrapped that he just smiled at her creative way of staying up late.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Embarrassing But True

I've mentioned before that we only eat dessert on Tuesdays and Saturdays. It's our way of keeping our weight in check. Unfortunately, we've been rather lax lately. Army and I discussed it (and our expanding waistlines) this weekend, and we decided it was time to get back to our Tuesday/Saturday rule.

And we did well Sunday and Monday. By Tuesday I wanted chocolate. We had a few pieces of mini candy, and we called it good...'til Wednesday when we had the following conversation. Oops!

Girl Who Won't Be Named: I want some chocolate.

Evil Husband: It's not Tuesday.

GWWBN: Um, duh! Yes it is!

EH: (laughing) No it isn't! Nice try.

GWWBN: YES IT IS! Look at the calendar Einstein.

EH: Ok, why don't you come here and look at it with me.

GWWBN: Why does it say October?

EH: Because it IS October. It's WEDNESDAY October first.

GWWBN: Stop being a jerk. It's not funny, and it's not cute. I'm emotional, and I'm hormonal. It's not a good combination, so stop messing with me!

EH: Um, really. It's Wednesday. Didn't I go to work today? (He doesn't work on Tuesdays)

GWWBN: Well, shit! Fine! But I still want chocolate.

EH: I thought we...

GWWBN: STOP RIGHT THERE. Don't even try to pull that 'I thought we were going to be good' stuff. I need chocolate. I need it now. It will make me feel better. Got it?

So the evil husband went to the store to get some chocolate. And the wife ate it...then she got sick. Twisted irony!