An Extra Drink or Two

This weekend we had a mix of horrible and perfect. Nothing in between.  So either way you look at it a drink is needed: either for condolence or celebration.  I've become rather mundane with what I drink (and now I'm sounding like an alcoholic, which I'm not), so anybody up for a virtual happy hour?  Let me know what you're drinking (always nice to have new ideas!) and what you're toasting.

I'll go first.  I'm having a margarita(cinco de mayo a little early?) to wipe out the bad this weekend, including the total ass who looked at my house today and had the nerve to question my realtor about why we're leaving.  If he wants to know why, that's fine, but when she gave the reason, he went on and on about how that's not a reason to sell a house, we're making a mistake, we only have one child, blah, blah, blah. Seriously? What does it matter to him? But wait, it gets better.  My dog is usually not home when the house is shown, but she was this time.  She was in the backyard.  He told my realtor that he didn't like the dog (who went NOWHERE near him).  News flash, Mr. Idiot, she does NOT come with the house! So as I raise my margarita glass and pretend it's after 5, I'll smile and tell him to bite me.

For my second, I'll have an old fashion.  Yes, the drink that 80 year olds drink.  My grandmother loved them, and she taught me to like them too.  It doesn't really go with a margarita, but hey, it's virtual anyway (at least for now since it's only noon).  I'm toasting the great news we got a few weeks ago and that was somewhat solidified this weekend.  I couldn't be happier.

So join me! What are you having, and what are you toasting?  

Extra Nice

We had a fabulous evening at the new house.  We enjoyed a nice cool breeze on the back porch while we listened to the baseball game at the stadium.  After the game ended, we were treated to about 10 minutes of fireworks.  Linus LOVES fireworks.  Her descriptions of them were amazing: "Look, Daddy, I love how those sparklies dance around like rain on hot pavement" and "Wow, Mommy, that one just fell like marshmallows floating in the sky."  Oh how I love this child!  They'll have more fireworks tomorrow night, so I'll get to listen to more descriptions (hopefully).  The only thing that could have made the evening any better is patio furniture. The furniture that we ordered forever ago that STILL hasn't gotten here yet. And that the store keeps changing the arrival date and story on. Oh, yeah, that and a bottle of wine. Perhaps with the wine I wouldn't have even noticed the furniture was missing! ;)

Linus funny for the evening:  Linus usually pronounces favorite as fRavorite.   Tonight she told us that she'd really love some peach tea.  I love peach tea, so I'm sure she heard me talking about it at some point.  Imagine our surprise when she didn't say it was her fravorite tea...instead she said it's her flavorite tea!  Get it?

An Extra Day In The Life....

Ever wondered what a day in Lannyland is like?  *Warning* You might not want to read this!*

This afternoon, I was treated to a show by my daughter, the conductor.  Or as she says, the conduncan. She held a drum stick and conducted her stuffed animals. She used a child-made podium (some people call this two pillows) and tapped her drum stick on it. Then she sang.  After the requisite clapping, she let me in on a secret.  "Wanna come to my concert tomorrow night? I'll even give you front row seats. Shh, don't tell anyone though. It's a secret."

Later, Army and I had been with the dog in our room.  As I walked out, I smelled the most horrible smell. Keep in mind my dog shat all over my room yesterday. I was worried. Army and I tried to figure out where it was coming from. Then from the front bathroom comes, "It's me guys. I'm in the bafroom." Army went to check on her, and sure enough, she's responsible for the poop smell.  Y'all it was GREEN and poor Linus was scared to death.  After she stood up, I said, "Linus, you don't have green streaks in your panties, do you?"  She said, "No, just normal brown ones." I nearly died! I'm telling ya, there's never a dull moment here.

Tonight we went out to dinner. Big shock, huh?  Afterwards, Army ran to the store to get a few things including some tulips since we keep fresh cut flowers while the house is on the market.  Linus and I waited in the car.  "Want to play I Spy, Mommy?"  Ok. "I spy, with my eagle eye, something green" Yeah, let's just say she wasn't talking about the grass. Thankfully she didn't do any, just talked about it.

Then, as we came in, she asked to carry the flowers.  I handed them to her.  She stood up straight, rested her elbows at her hips, and began slowly walking while humming "Here Comes The Bride."  Army nearly freaked.  

So, anybody want her to come visit? She'll keep you on your toes!

An Extra Mission

I have a mission for y'all.  My morning was busy, busy, busy.  When I got home, I discovered WonderDog hath shat all over my room.  We're talking ALL OVER: the shutters, the carpet, my bed, the wall...you get the picture.  So, I'm in need of a new comforter/quilt/bedspread for my bed.  Unfortunately, it really needs to be a set since our house is on the market.  Right now I have one with gold tones in it, but I really love the blue/brown combo.  I'm really in to stripes right now, but it doesn't have to have stripes.  It can't come from somewhere like Amazon---I have to get it today or tomorrow.  I don't really care if it's a nice one or a cheap one, I've just GOT to get one.

So, anybody want to accept this mission and help me find a cute new one?  

Many thanks!!!

Extra Dark

WonderDog is back, and she came home with a bit of a surprise.  Her nose is black again!  Her nose browns during the winter, but goes back to black during the summer.  As I type, she's sleeping soundly, but she's NOT on her back. She usually sleeps on her back (like seriously on her back---her legs up in the air against the wall, neck stretched out and head upside down), which makes her snore incredibly loudly. Here's to hoping she doesn't roll over. It's quiet in here right now. :)

I took Linus to a drive-thru (same one with gross man boob guy) while our house was being shown. ***Side story:  The guy loved it, but the girl thought my kitchen was too big. WTH?  Have you EVER heard a female say a kitchen is too big???  ***  Anyway, while we were in the drive-thru line I spotted two helicopters. Linus calls them "hobdacopters" and I LOVE to hear her say it.  I pointed to them and asked her what she saw.

Linus: I don't know.

Me: Yes you do. What are those?

Linus: Um, really big birds?

Me: No, Silly, what are those?

Linus: I just don't know.

Me: Uh-huh, yes you do. It starts with an /h/ sound.

Linus: Ok, ok, it's a HHHHHairplane!  

She is such a turkey!

Extra Happy

Tomorrow we get WonderDog back. She's been at her trainer's place for two weeks.  We found this trainer back when we still had our first baby.  Henroid (not his real name, but his real nickname---and yes, it's spelled like that, not with an m) was a bit neurotic.  He was a Border Collie, which pretty much explains everything.  He could UNLOCK doors with his teeth, he could unwrap candy without you even knowing he'd been in it, he could jump higher than any dog I've ever seen, and he kept his toys in a particular place. If you got them out of order, he'd fix it right away.  I loved this dog immensely, but he really was neurotic.  He had a stroke at a young age, and things went downhill from there.  We took him to numerous vets trying to find a way to make his quality of life better.  We even took him to this trainer in hopes that he could help him with his neurotic tendencies.  We were hopeful that if we could calm him down, he'd stop having strokes.  In the end, we lost him.  I have a pic of Linus with him his last day. She loves that picture and often speaks of The Roid.  

Anyway, getting back to the trainer...as much as we love WonderDog, and as much as we've missed her, it's been SO easy not having her around.  I get to sleep through the night without her insanely loud snoring (she's 75 lbs, she sleeps on her back, and she has a big honking schnoz, need I say more?), I get to enjoy my evenings without her manly burps, and I don't have to walk her multiple times throughout the day.  I also haven't had to pick up dog hair as often as I usually do, though we all know dog hair is never truly gone for good.

Tonight, without knowing WonderDog is coming home tomorrow, Linus said, "We need to go get WD soon. I miss her. She misses me, and she's really worried about me."

I asked her how she knew.   "Wouldn't you miss me and worry about me?"  

Well, yes Linus, I would. 

Extra Worried

Army and I are extra worried about the future of our sweet little girl.  Really worried.  

As I was driving down the road this afternoon, I went through a large dip near the golf course rather quickly.  Linus was paying more attention to the golfers than the road, so it caught her by surprise.  She blurted out, "Ooh! That tickled my tonic."  I'm assuming that meant it made her tummy drop, but anyone have any other guesses? She has NO idea what a tonic is!

Tonight we were eating dinner, and Linus proudly announced to her father, "Listen Daddy! I can whistle!"  And sure enough she did....the opening to Ted Nugent's Cat Scratch Fever.  Is anybody else really worried by that? We are!  Although Army is a huge fan of AC/DC and the likes, we generally listen to Johnette Downing and other children's artists in the car.  

Speaking of AC/DC, hypothetically speaking, if the following conversation took place, would you get ticked?  

::AC/DC's You Shook Me All Night Long came on the radio::

Husband loves the song.

Wife comments that she doesn't have the same American thighs  ("knocking me out with those American thighs...") that she did in college.

Husband says that it's ok 'cause they are only continental thighs.

Wife shoots him a GTH look, and he defends his comments by saying, "I meant that as a compliment. At least they aren't hemisphere, planet, or solar system thighs."

So, would this tick you off, or would you take it as a compliment?

Extra Determined

I've got a real post coming with pictures tonight (IF I can figure out pics on the mac), but Linus said something really funny, at least to me, that I thought was worth sharing.

She's wasn't exactly behaving her best this afternoon, so I told her that she had to sit still.  She absolutely would not sit still, so I told her if she moved again, she'd have to lie down to try to calm down.  She began moving again within about 1/2 a second, so I told her she had to lie down and lie still and that she couldn't talk...she HAD to calm down.  

"Fine, but I'm not closing my eyes because we both know what happens then!"  I wanted to crack up.

Eventually she was still, so I told her she could get up and try to play again.  She didn't move, so I took a closer look.  Poor girl, she must have closed her eyes at some point, and the inevitable happened.  She was fast asleep! 

An Extra Second

For my New Orleans friends:

It took me an extra second or two to wrap my mind around what I just saw on tv. I'm watching the noon news, and on comes a familiar face.  I didn't immediately know who it was, but I knew I recognized him.  I hadn't seen this face in a while, and though I'm sure he doesn't look his age, time has definitely aged him some since the last time I saw him.  

"One call, that's all"

Yes, my friends, he's made his way a few states over.  Morris Bart is invading my television screen again.

An Extra Bite

Have you ever been out to dinner with other people who you've only recently met?  We went out to dinner tonight, and I ordered the most delicious grilled chicken salad.  We're talking de lish us!  It was so good, that despite being full, I wanted to continue eating more and more.  I was ready to lick my bowl clean.  There were two problems with that. One, we were in public. I wouldn't do it at home, and I SURE wouldn't do it in public!  Two: we were with other people that we'd only recently met.  Call me crazy, but I really didn't want to make a horrible impression by eating like a caged animal. But it was good enough that I considered it for a second. Maybe two.  I don't know how you can make something as simple as a grilled chicken salad that good, but wow, it was.  I'm ready to go back for another one for lunch tomorrow. Maybe one for dinner too. Mmmmm!

Now to answer some questions:

Kim-d, no, Linus didn't get the Keds. :(  She did get some green check shoes today though.  I think they are adorable, and she rocks them!

Katie, we got a black one.  White isn't really 5 year old friendly, so we figured black would hide it better if she took a marker to it.  Speaking of Macs, I embarrassed the heck out of myself at the Apple store.  The guy asked me if I was nervous about going Mac.  I told him that I really wasn't too nervous, and that many people raved about them, so I was confident in my decision.  He asked if I knew a lot of Mac owners, and without even realizing how this sounded, I said, "Well I know lots of people who have had a mac that's stood the test of time, and that a few people are on the second or more mac for their household. " Here's where it got bad. He said, "So you know lots of repeat Macs, huh?"  to which I responded (like an idiot) "Yeah, I guess once you go Mac, you never go back."  He cracked up, Army turned red, and like a fool I asked what was so funny. I truly had no clue.

Extra Happy!!! :)

Who knew? Apparently you really can buy happiness...at least temporarily!  And did you know that beauty CAN be found in a box? Yes, my friends, it sure can!

Check out my beauty.

And with any luck, that link will work, 'cause I sure enough can't figure how to copy and paste anymore.  Ten minutes ago I thought I was all that because I wasn't having too much trouble going from windows to a mac...and as usual, now I've been put in my place.  Hopefully I'll be 'book smart' (haha, get it?) soon!

Off to play...more tomorrow.  Oh, and one more thing: Safari's spell check rocks! :)  

Extra Embarrassing

Let me preface this story with the fact that Linus has no idea what "white person" or "black person" or "caucasian" or "Native American" etc mean. People are people, and in our home we don't describe people by how they look, but rather who they are.

Keep that in mind...

I took Linus shoe shopping. Shoe stores pretty much equate with Heaven to Linus. As she was looking she kept saying things along the lines of, "Ooooh, I like these sparkles" and "Cool, Mommy! Look at these!" Then she spotted some Keds. Linus has had pairs of these Keds in various sizes for years. She's always had pink, white, or both. The only problem is we can't get her to say KEDS. So as she's looking, she blurts out, "Look Mommy! They have white kids shoes!" I almost didn't even notice what she said because that's what she calls them despite our efforts to get her to say Keds. In fact, it wasn't until the lady next to me shot me a horrified look that I realized what she said. Instead of correcting her out right, I said, "Yes, Linus, I really like those Keds too" and I stressed the e in Keds. Well, that wasn't enough for the ever-so-nice lady, so she made the comment, "Kids have a habit of repeating what they hear at home." I wasn't going to justify her asinine comment, so I just asked Linus which shoes she wanted to try on.

Naturally the pair Linus wanted wasn't available in her size. She picked another and they weren't available either. She didn't pout (and I've got to admit that I was a little surprised she didn't), but she did try to convince me that she could shove her foot in smaller ones. Miss Ever-So-Lovely lady smirked, and at this point I really wanted to tell her to bite me.

I suggested to Linus that we come back later in the week when they should have more shoes. Linus wasn't too happy, but I promised her we'd stop at the park on the way home. Miss Ever-So-Freaking-Lovely just couldn't mind her own business and felt that it was necessary to let me know that making such promises to a child just teaches them to misbehave. Once again I bit my tongue.

Miss-Ever-So-Lovely's son had been playing with a dump truck this whole time. He had been playing very nicely. As we're walking out, it's their turn, so she has to get him away from the truck. This, of course, should be rather simple since she's the perfect parent raising the perfect child. She calls to him, and he refuses to come. She tells him to come NOW, and he tells her that he wants to play. She says that he already has a dump truck, and that's when the rain clouds opened up and glorious sunlight shone right in one me. Perfect lady's child says, "NO Mommy!" I did manage to not smile, not even a little bit. She again told him to come NOW and he said, and this is an EXACT quote: I want fuck! Dis fuck! I do anyfing for a fuck!

Damn, it must be good to be perfect, huh?

Extra Help Please

I need help! I've, uh, whined enough that Army is breaking down and getting me a new computer before we sell our house. Hmm, that doesn't sound nice, does it? Let's change that to: Army has come to his senses are realized how much I truly need a computer, so he's agreed that I can have one before we sell our house. Anybody want the real story? He's sick and tired of sharing his computer with me!!! Seriously, that's the truth!

So, here's where I need your help...can you buy me one? Kidding!

Here's where I really need your help...I'm having trouble deciding which one. A few months ago, many of y'all suggested the MacBook Air. I went to play with it, and I fell in love with it. It's small, it weighs next to nothing, and it's even cute! BUT it doesn't have a disk drive, so it's extra money for an external one, there's only one usb port, so it's extra money for that too. It comes with very little software, so again, more money. Plus, it's slower than a regular MacBook. The sales guy said if it's just a satellite computer for us, then it's great, but if I'd use it for more than email and general internet surfing, then he'd go with a regular MacBook.

Ok, fine I can handle that...except the MB Air is small, and cute, and, well, perfect. But again, the regular MB makes more sense, except it weighs more. No huge deal, I can handle a few more pounds, but it's still a 13" screen, and I'd prefer a larger screen if I'm not going with the MBAir. The only way I can get larger is going Pro, which I really don't need.

So let's break it down:

AIR--small, cute, light, but requires a lot of add-ons

Regular Mac Laptop--better buy for the money, but still a small screen

Pro--bigger screen, but more money and I really don't need everything it has

Dell (or other)--I can get pretty much anything I want, but I really want to go Mac for this one

PLEASE help me. I'm putting a poll at the top of the blog, so you can vote without having to leave a comment, but comments are definitely appreciated!!!

Many thanks, y'all!

Extra Love...

THANK YOU!!! Y'all made me smile, smile, smile! :)

I went to bed last night still quite annoyed with the whole world, but not quite as badly as I was when I typed the entry last night. This morning was better, but things went downhill quickly with stupid little things like me telling Army that I wasn't wearing a seatbelt. The moron (and I mean that lovingly) had the nerve to ask me if it was because it didn't fit. Um, no! You don't EVER ask that! For the record, no it wasn't too small.

As the day wore on, I was hellbent on eating lunch where I wanted to and not anywhere else. That's not really like me either. I wasn't too happy that Army didn't want to go look at laptops, and I really craved a nap. Then I discovered a little visitor that I wasn't expecting at all for quite a while longer, and the world got better...so much better that when we discovered we were missing everything we needed to put something together for the new house, I just laughed because it didn't bother me at all. Ahhh, the amazing thing that little things called hormones do to us!

Sorry for my hormonal rage last night. It might not have been all hormonal, but I'm sticking with that excuse!

A Little Extra Hatred

I hate my 'old' house because it hasn't sold yet. Yes, it's only been three weeks, but still, two notes SUCK!

I hate my new house because I can't live it it yet. The yard is full of weeds, and I don't have time to go over there and de-weed. Our weed person is supposed to go over there, but he hasn't yet. Our yard man won't go over there because it's too far, so we'll have to get a new one. I loved our yard man (he would do anything if I smiled and talked sweetly!). Uh, not anything like that!

I hate the previous owners of my new home for several reasons. They refused to come to the closing (they might have had an excuse, but I'm still pissed about it because they were supposed to be there to answer some questions that they had not yet (and still haven't) answered. I hate them because they made a huge freaking hole in the garage wall that they didn't repair. I hate them because we'll have to replace the horribly stained carpets that look waaayyyy worse than they should for less than two years of use. I hate them for taking the mirror in the bathroom without specifically listing it as an item that didn't remain (as they should have). I hate them for taking things that ONLY WORK WITH THAT HOUSE and giving a lame ass reason they can't return them. Yes thingS (as in MORE THAN ONE!). I hate them for not taking care of the yard once the house was under contract. I also hate them for COMING BACK IN THE HOUSE before we had the locks changed. Because we are dumb schmucks, we are still trying to do the right thing---they are still getting OVERNIGHT packages at our new house (um, hello, change your freaking address, it's not like an overnight package was sent before you closed!!!) but they won't give us their new address to send the damn packages to.

I hate our inspector for passing the house when clearly there is a LEAK IN THE FREAKING BASEMENT!

I hate this state for being the last damn state that is 'buyer beware' so that once we've closed we can't do a damn thing about it. Shame on this state for being so backwards! Why the hell should I ever pay an inspector again if it doesn't amount to jack???

I hate the person who stole an item from us at a silent auction even this weekend. This witch did completely unethical things, but I won't get into them since I am part of the organization putting on the event and that might push the tacky boundaries. All I'll say is thank God there was free unlimited wine. And thank God my husband didn't pitch a fit when I told him I needed something harder than wine.

Sheesh, you'd never guess I am generally a fairly positive person! Army accused me of having a potty mouth when I was in the midst of a rant last night (NOT in front of Linus!), and it looks like he might be right. His can be worse though.

Returning to nicer posts tomorrow....

Extra Shame

Our house is on the market (as if I haven't already whined about this enough), so I have been keeping it spotless. Tuesday night I woke up in the middle of the night sick as a dog. I was so sick that I had trouble leaving the bathroom long enough to go to the kitchen to get phenergan. We're talking bad. Army finally woke up and helped me get some phenergan in my system. That stuff works wonders! :) BUT it leaves me with a horrible hangover. Wednesday morning I felt much better, but I was so stinking hungover that I just put Linus in the bed with me and let her watch cartoons. Yeah, I know, mommy award here!





Apparently I was worse off than I thought, and Linus took full advantage of that.





I couldn't find the dog's collar when I went to walk her this morning. It finally occurred to me to check under the bed since Linus mentioned putting something down there. Sure enough it was there...along with about 50 mini Reece's PB cup wrappers, a water bottle, a cowbutters (Mini PB Ritz Bits), a belt, a flashlight, etc. UGH! So much for my clean house.









I had to stuff the bed skirt in the rail to get a pic of it. It's farther back than it looks. See that clear tub with the white top right behind the flashlight? That's the ONLY thing that belongs down there. Notice the pb cup wrappers, the flashlight, water bottle, book, cowbutter wrapper, another water bottle, white box, green ribbon, etc.....HOW DID SHE DO THAT WITHOUT ME NOTICING?????


When I picked Linus up for school today, I asked her about it:


Me: Linus, I had to look for the dog's leash this morning. Guess what I found under the bed.


Linus: Uh, a water bottle.


Me: What else?


Linus: Cowbutters


Me: And


Linus: I'm just going to put it out there for you like it is. EVERYTHING. Everything is under that bed, and you and Daddy really need to try a little harder to keep that place clean or it will never sell. Really, Mommy, it's a mess. Shame on you!





Anybody want to guess what 5 year old put it there?

Extra Late!

Thank you so much to those of you who left messages and/or emailed me to check on me. I'm alive and well-ish.

We've all had that horrible tummy virus that's going around here. Days and days and days of it--oh how that sucks! We also closed on our new house, and let's just say it was an experience. I'll tell more about that later in the week.

For now, I'll leave you with a Linus story from her 5 year old well child check up:

We weren't there too long before the nurse came in to get stats on Linus. I noticed the blood draw stuff right away. So did Linus. When they did blood work she freaked out. Needles didn't used to bother her, but they have the last 18 months or so. After a complete crying fit, she said, "See I wasn't scared at all" as soon as the nurse finished. :D We cracked up. Her visit was good, but we had to watch her carefully since apparently seizure prone children can have them after vaccinations. She ended up having a reaction, but it was minor. She refused to pee in the cup because the bathroom smelled like poop. We went to another bathroom, and it stunk too. After she began gasping for air and saying "I can't breathe!" I gave up. When the dr took her shirt off to check her, she told him she wasn't allowed to let anybody else undress her. After I told her it was ok, she relented. Then he asked her to take her pants off. She refused, so he started to (gently) pull them off, she shouted, "Hey, watch it, Mister! Nobody is allowed to pull my pants down. Right, Mommy?" Hey, at least we've got that covered! He was super pleased with her testing results from all the seizure work ups, and we avoided the second chicken pox shot since she caught it in September. She finally weighs enough to move to a booster seat, but she still fits in her regular carseat, so I'll probably keep her there for now.

----
I *hope* to be back to regular blogging now that we've closed on the new house. Our house still hasn't sold, but it's only been two and a half weeks. Army has put his foot down and says I can't have a new laptop until our house sells. :( Hopefully it will sell quickly!