Extra Embarrassing

Let me preface this story with the fact that Linus has no idea what "white person" or "black person" or "caucasian" or "Native American" etc mean. People are people, and in our home we don't describe people by how they look, but rather who they are.

Keep that in mind...

I took Linus shoe shopping. Shoe stores pretty much equate with Heaven to Linus. As she was looking she kept saying things along the lines of, "Ooooh, I like these sparkles" and "Cool, Mommy! Look at these!" Then she spotted some Keds. Linus has had pairs of these Keds in various sizes for years. She's always had pink, white, or both. The only problem is we can't get her to say KEDS. So as she's looking, she blurts out, "Look Mommy! They have white kids shoes!" I almost didn't even notice what she said because that's what she calls them despite our efforts to get her to say Keds. In fact, it wasn't until the lady next to me shot me a horrified look that I realized what she said. Instead of correcting her out right, I said, "Yes, Linus, I really like those Keds too" and I stressed the e in Keds. Well, that wasn't enough for the ever-so-nice lady, so she made the comment, "Kids have a habit of repeating what they hear at home." I wasn't going to justify her asinine comment, so I just asked Linus which shoes she wanted to try on.

Naturally the pair Linus wanted wasn't available in her size. She picked another and they weren't available either. She didn't pout (and I've got to admit that I was a little surprised she didn't), but she did try to convince me that she could shove her foot in smaller ones. Miss Ever-So-Lovely lady smirked, and at this point I really wanted to tell her to bite me.

I suggested to Linus that we come back later in the week when they should have more shoes. Linus wasn't too happy, but I promised her we'd stop at the park on the way home. Miss Ever-So-Freaking-Lovely just couldn't mind her own business and felt that it was necessary to let me know that making such promises to a child just teaches them to misbehave. Once again I bit my tongue.

Miss-Ever-So-Lovely's son had been playing with a dump truck this whole time. He had been playing very nicely. As we're walking out, it's their turn, so she has to get him away from the truck. This, of course, should be rather simple since she's the perfect parent raising the perfect child. She calls to him, and he refuses to come. She tells him to come NOW, and he tells her that he wants to play. She says that he already has a dump truck, and that's when the rain clouds opened up and glorious sunlight shone right in one me. Perfect lady's child says, "NO Mommy!" I did manage to not smile, not even a little bit. She again told him to come NOW and he said, and this is an EXACT quote: I want fuck! Dis fuck! I do anyfing for a fuck!

Damn, it must be good to be perfect, huh?