Extra Sick

WHY oh why are soooo many people googling 'extra long tongue?' I get multiple hits per day from a google search using those words. Sometimes it varies a bit to 'girl with long tongue.' I don't care how you phrase it, somethings not right with that many people looking it up.

Guess it's time to change my settings!

What google searches turn up on your blog that amaze you?

Please Sir, May I Have Some More

When Linus, my mom, Lolly and I were at the restaurant the other day, Linus decided to order her food herself.

Are y'all ready to order?
Yes, please. I'll have a bowl of soup, please.
Sure thing. What kind would you like?
Warm kind, please.

Extra Gross!

I saw perhaps the most disgusting thing I've ever seen today. Linus, Lolly, my mom, and I were at a restaurant. We were all enjoying ourselves until my mother asked me if I saw what she saw. I was completely oblivious, and would have been very happy to have been able to remain that way. Unfortunately, she pointed me in the direction of a woman changing her baby.

Changing her baby's poopy diaper.

In a restaurant.

On the table.

Let's recap. She changed a poopy diaper on the table. That is all degrees of disgusting. Vile. Vulgar.

I know babies poop. I know they poop in public. I also know that not in a million years would I change Lolly's diaper on a table in a restaurant. In fact, my first comment was, "Oh gross, Mother! That lady put her naked child on a table in a restaurant. I'd never do that to Lolly!" That cracked my mother up. Lanny, that's beside the point. What about the poor people who sit there next?

As we watched, because we just couldn't peel ourselves away, the lady took the dirty diaper and put it on the table.

Vomit.

How can somebody not know better than that.

Linus naturally had the best line of the day: Mommy, why is she doing that? I would never poop at a table. There's no difference. I *almost* wish she could have heard Linus!

Hooked On Phonics Worked For Us!

WARNING: LANGUAGE!

A conversation from our house today:

Army brought home some stuff from work recently that had three lowercase letters on it...afc. Linus knew it came from work, but didn't know what it was. All of a sudden, she blurts out, "Daddy, you work for a fuck!"

HUH???

"A fuck, Daddy, you work for a fuck. This came from your work, and it says a fuck...(points to it) see a /f/ /k/...a fuck."

I was a complete waste of a mother as I had to leave the room before she saw the tears of laughter streaming down my face. Army was the good parent and walked her through it.

So Maybe She's A Little Off

Linus greeted me first thing this morning with "Happy Martin Luther King Day, Mommy!" Naturally, I returned the greeting. A little while later, she said it again. I asked her who Martin Luther King was, and she said, "He's the one who made the poor little old lady get up because he didn't want to sit in the back of the bus. He made the little old lady, Rosa Parks, get up from her comfy seat because there was a sign that said, 'Blacks must sit in the back.' and besides, Mommy, doesn't he know there are no black people. Why don't grown-ups know their colors? She was brown. And old. And that's not nice. Not one bit."

As I tried to explain to Linus that she kind of got her story mixed up, she became more determined. "No, Mama, he made her sit in the back. He took her seat. But he was doing a good thing. A really good thing. (Pause) How's it a good think to make an old lady get up from her seat?"

Again, I tried to explain who MLK was and who Rosa Parks was. "But Mrs. ___ said so. I. I. I know she did. (beginning to whine) I heard her. I was paying attention."

She finally let me explain, and she listened well.

I thought.

During dinner, her daddy asked her who Martin Luther King was. Anybody want to guess who made a little old lady get up from her seat on the bus so he could have it?

We'll be working on this one!

Logic Linus Style

Linus got in a bit of trouble at school on Monday and Wednesday this week. Nothing too serious, but still trouble. She got put on "yellow" at school, and she was punished at home. This weekend she wanted to go to our local science center. It really is a lot of fun, and they change the exhibits often, so there's always something new to see. I explained that we were not going to the science center because she was on yellow twice this week, and that is unacceptable in our house, so we definitely weren't rewarding it. As innocently as she could, she looked at me and said, "But Mama, they weren't next to cheethother (each other)." as in yellow Monday, green Tuesday, yellow Wednesday, and green Thursday.

I hate when she does that! It's so hard to discipline her when she's so funny! We still do, but I sure am laughing inside!

Extra Curious

Daisy touched on something in a recent post that made me curious. She discussed blog persona versus the true person. I think I come across as who I really am. I do hold back on occasion because I really hate to hurt people's feelings, but other than that, I think I am Lanny (which is a funny statement in itself since (duh!) my name isn't Lanny).

Some of the people who read this blog have "known" me since Linus was a baby (thanks y'all! you have no idea how much you've meant to me throughout the years), yet I don't think even they have seen a pic of me. Possibly Melissa and Leia, but I don't think they have. In fact, there's only one person who reads my blog that I know knows what I (used to) look like. I don't even really look like that anymore.

Anyway, Daisy got me thinking about three things:
1) If you know me in some way outside of the blog, do I come across the same way here as there?
2) Do you feel like you come across the same way in your blog as IRL?
3) What do you think I look like? This should be fun!

And as a side note to Daisy and BayouBelle, thank you so much for the award and meme. I don't know what I've done, but I can't post images at all on my blog right now, so I can't follow through with the 'rules.' Once I figure out what I did, I'll post them. In the meantime, thank you so very much for thinking of me!

Extra Confused

Linus recently noticed differences in the color of people's skin. Unfortunately, she overheard somebody say something about a "black" person. Linus, annoyed that the person said another person was black said, "He doesn't know his colors, Mommy. He's brown, not black." Army and I reminded her that if we have to describe somebody, we describe who they are not the color of their skin. I was proud when she asked me what the color of their skin mattered anyway because we're all just people. I thought I had passed along the message I intended.

Then we went to the doctor's office. Linus's eyes grew larger and larger as she spotted baby after baby in the exam room occupied by triplets. We had to wait in line behind their mother while she paid, and Linus began to whine a bit. I asked her what it was all about, and was a little surprised by her answer: "We only got one baby. They got three. I wanna be brown, Mommy. I want three babies too!" She then turned to the mother of the triplets and said, "This is Lolly. She's my baby sister. I only got one. You're soooooo lucky! I wish we had three babies. I wish we were brown." Thankfully, the lady did not appear offended.

We once again had a discussion about us all being the same, and that skin color doesn't make a person who they are on the inside. She agreed as long as I'd accept that she wished she was brown instead of pink (because then she'd have triplet siblings, of course).

I thought skin color descriptors weren't really an issue anymore until Tuesday night. I forgot to thaw some chicken, and we didn't have any fresh chicken in the house, so I gave in and honored her request for Wendy's. She wanted chicken nuggets, and when she dug into her bag she noticed a sauce container. "Mommy, they gave me skin colored sauce."

Um, it was honey mustard. I don't know about you, but I don't know a single person with skin that's yellow with pepper flecks.

Extra Hard of Hearing

I have a cold. It's making it difficult for me to hear clearly. Can you guess what I misunderstood in my conversation with Linus?

L: Guess what we learned about in school today, Mama.
Me: Ooohhh, something fun, I bet! Tell me.
L: Incest. (Army starts laughing because he knows I must have heard it wrong)
Me: WHAT?
L: Incest.
Me: WHAT??? (Army is laughing hysterically at this point)
L: Incest. You know.
Army: Tell Mommy what that is.
L: Bugs, Mommy. Bugs.
Me: Army, did she say insects the whole time?
Army: (laughing) Yep! But I knew what you heard!

Facebook

I've been thinking about this post for a few days now, so I think it's funny that I've seen quite a few blogs lately with similar posts. Must be the time.

Eons ago my SIL sent me an invite, and I just wasn't interested. Let's face it, Linus is a handful, and I didn't want something to distract me and keep me up later at night that I already am (I'm a serious night owl). Little by little, more and more friends joined. When the mother of a friend joined, I decided I absolutely didn't want to join. I love this mother to death. She's a really fun mother, but she's still a mother, you know? And hush, yes I do know I'm technically a mother, but I'm not old! Or at least I'm not as old as she is. A group of friends joined about six months ago, maybe more, and I went back and forth with the idea of joining, but I didn't. Now they're all sharing their pics that way, and I can't see them. Wah. So, I'm entertaining the thought of joining again. I'd love your thoughts.

A. Do you Facebook?
B. What's your favorite thing about Facebook?
C. Should I join or not?

An Extra Vent

Eh, so much for being nice. This is my second not-so-nice post in one week!

I'll just come out and say it. No sugar coating. I really dislike kiosk workers at the mall. My first mistake was going to the mall. I loathe indoor malls. It was a necessary trip though, so we went. After we accomplished our original goal, Linus needed a snack. Army took her to get one while I ran one more errand. Our mall has two distinct types of kiosk workers: the super aggressive sales ones and the lazy not-getting-off-their-cell-phones-for-anything ones. On my way out the store, I was accosted by the first type. I swear these people spot me and peg me as a softy. During Christmastime I'd tell them I wasn't interested, and if they'd persist--and they always do--I'd tell them I was paying a babysitter and didn't have time. Most of them would back off then. A few still didn't. I had Lolly with me this time, so I couldn't use that excuse. As he comes toward me, he began reaching around my neck. I politely told him I wasn't interested, but by the time I got that out of my mouth, he was holding his item around my neck. Don't touch my neck. I can't stand that! I again told him I wasn't interested, but he wouldn't let go. After I said I wasn't purchasing anything, he started in with, "I'm just trying to make a living selling the best product on the market." Blah, blah, blah. It was live info commercial, and I couldn't flip the channel.

Most regular stores don't treat their customers that way. If they did, customers wouldn't return. The thing with a mall, though, is that you don't have a choice. At our mall, they line every walkway. It's ridiculous. I am thisclose to not going back to the mall because I can't stand them.

So, what's your take on kiosk workers?

The Good, The Bad, and The Great

First the good:
As I sat still in carpool line yesterday waiting for Linus, I was met with an unusual silence. Lolly usually screams when we're not moving, but today she was looking out her window towards the sky. I tilted my head back in the headrest and gazed at the sky too. It was full of clouds. I immediately saw two cloud shapes. The first was a playful dog, mouth open, with floppy ears, kind of like what you'd see in an ad from the 50s. The second was a loooonnng wiener dog with droopy ears. As I sat there staring at the sky, I was brought back to college. We used to go to the bowl to "study" and we'd inevitably lean back to enjoy and soak up the sun's rays. We'd watch the clouds go by, occasionally commenting on the figures we saw in the clouds. Rarely did anybody see what somebody else pointed out, but it was always fun. The wind began to blow, so the clouds began moving quickly, but I was still enjoying it. I noticed some very dark clouds, but above them were the fluffiest whitest clouds I've ever seen. It was rather relaxing and amusing

Until the bad...
All of a sudden I got a horrible pain. Horrible. I wore jeans and a t-shirt to pick up Linus today, and somehow in all my moving around to look at the clouds, I pinched my thigh with the jeans. Ouch! It hurt! Badly! And since I was in carpool line, there was nothing I could do. I tried to wiggle a little, but it didn't help. I tried to stretch my leg a bit, but that didn't help either. I certainly couldn't jump out of my car to fix it. Ugh! Hurry up carpool line! Finally the line began moving, and I was able to pick up Linus. A mere 10 minutes and I'd be home sweet home.

Then the great happened...
On the drive home, Linus said, "Oh look at those clouds Mommy! Look, that one looks like a turkey. And look! The sun looks like the Star of Bethlehem the way it's shining down! I just love looking at the clouds, Mama!"

Me too, my baby, me too!

Extra, Annoying

Ok, so I at least try to be somewhat politically correct most of the time. I'm not today.

Is there a blogger that really irritates you? If it's me, don't answer! There's a blogger that really irritates me. I've tried to read her blog, but it's just incessant whining about every freaking detail of every minute of every second of her day. She also throws overly sweet sappy stuff in there in an attempt (?) to make the whining ok. Many of the bloggers that I follow read her blog, and she comments on their blogs also. I know I must be missing something, but I just can't figure out what it could possibly be. For the most part, I ignore her comments. I think she's probably a genuinely nice person, but the whining irritates me, as does the know-it-all attitude. No kidding, one time she told a male blogger about something male-specific. Um, I don't know about you, but I sure haven't figured out all the females out there, much less the opposite sex!

I really don't like disliking people (especially internet people who I don't even really know!). I can skip her blog, but I can't hide her comments on other people's blogs. So make me feel better. Is there a blogger that annoys you too?

An Extra Lesson in Words

Linus and I were playing a game in the car one day while we waited for Army to run an errand. She'd describe an animal, and I'd have to guess what it was. Once I figured it out, I'd describe and she'd guess. She constantly picked animals on the more rare end of the spectrum (not dog, cat, fish, etc). After several rounds (and at this point, I'm struggling to think of animals, yet she's got an arsenal saved up for future use), Army comes back to the car. He heard my description (alligator--brownish/greyish but lots of times colored green in pictures, four legs, tail, likes the water) and knew what it was. Linus heard it and said, "Is it a pollywog?"

Seriously?

First of all, that wasn't even on the radar for me. Second, HUH? Her vocabulary is completely different than mine!

An Extra Year

Happy New Year!

Here's to the best year yet!

------------
Overheard today:
Army: Linus, don't move! Let me help you get down right now!


Army (after a minute of silence): Linus, you can't ever do that again, ok? You could have gotten hurt. That was very dangerous. Linus, do you understand? You can't ever do that again.

Linus: Ok Daddy. I was just trying to be Superman.

Army come into the kitchen a few minutes later and says, "Oh my gosh, Lanny! You should have seen what Linus was doing. It looked like so much fun!"

Do boys every grow up?