Poor Linus. She really hates the dentist. She clenches her jaw so tightly that they cannot clean the backs of her teeth without working really hard to open her jaw. I absolutely love this dentist, but I think we might be looking for another one before her next visit. They don't have "chairs" only beds. As in completely flat, no incline at all beds. That's the issue with Linus. She feels completely vulnerable when she's that flat. She's asked to keep her head up, but they won't let her. I've offered to let sit on the bed and let her put her head in my lap, but they won't go for it. One time a hygienist let her sit up, and that visit was much more pleasant.
Any time we pass the dentist's office, Linus announces, "That's where I DON'T go to the dentist!" If Army takes a day off work other than his normal days off, Linus panics and thinks she has to go to the dentist. It's really sad. I hate that my daughter fears the visits that much. I loved my childhood dentist--so much so that I've considered taking her to New Orleans just to see him.
This actually does lead up to a give away!
This month, I'm parting with a Sonicare toothbrush. I know I'm probably the only person in the world, but I'm not a real fan of them. What it all boils down to is coordination. I am apparently not coordinated enough to use one without getting toothpaste everywhere. EVERYWHERE! It's not a pretty sight. So, I'm offering the lucky winner mine. It was only used a few times. I soaked it in really hot water to clean it well. JUST KIDDING!!!!! I have a BRAND SPANKING NEW one to give away. It's NEVER been used! I threw away the one I hated at least a year and a half ago. It's long gone.
To enter this contest, you have to tell your most embarrassing moment at a medical office. I think if I just limited it to a dentist's office it'd be a little hard, so I'm opening it up to all medical offices.
Since misery loves company, I'll share my most embarrassing medical moment. To this day, my family makes horrible fun of me for this:
Shortly before Linus was born, I had to take some really powerful medicine. It worked wonders, but it also dried out my eyes. They were so dry that my eye doctor said I was scratching my eyes every single time I blinked. He insisted I use some drops to keep them moist, and he gave me several samples to use. I also had to go back frequently until my eyes recovered some. I had not run out of samples by my first visit, so I had not needed to buy any new ones yet which meant I hadn't paid close attention to the name of the drops.
When the nurse asked me for a run down of the medicines I was taking, I listed three (two others were a result of that original medicine that dried out my eyes). She asked me if I was sure that was all, and her inflection indicated that surely there was another. I thought for a minute, and said, "Oh yeah, and I use Replens in my eyes." The nurse gave me a really funny look, then she laughed. Like an idiot, I had NO idea what was so funny.
Um, turns out Replens is a VAGINAL moisture medicine. REFRESH is what I was using in my eyes. Like the moron I am, I had essentially told the nurse I was using a vaginal moisture aid in my freaking eyes!!! I must have heard it on a commercial or something, and since it sounded close enough, assumed that's what it was called.
Lovely, huh?
Your turn. Top that and you could win a Sonicare toothbrush.
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9 comments:
ROFL! That is hilarious! I don't have any great medical stories coming to mind quite yet..but since I have a Sonic toothbrush that I am having a love affair with, the urgency isn't too overwhelming. lol
I TOTALLY thought of you while I was in New Orleans. I didn't realize you were from there and I saw a sign that said Lagniappe and BING! lightbulb moment! Yeah, I'm a little slow but I'm sweet!
;-)
Leeann
I *think* I could top your medical hilarity. Although mine was a phone call with a doc not something that happened in his office. But not sure I can do it for a *used* (that cracked me up, BTW!) tooth brush. Maybe I'll post it soon.
Great story!! Poor Linus!
Mine might be a little...risque...but here goes:
In college I had horrible, horrible allergies. Combine this with the very dry skin I've always had, and my poor nose was a mess. During a very intense season of oak-tree blooming, I was miserable and the skin inside my nose gave away and cracked open and began to bleed every time I so much as sneezed, much less blew my nose. So, off to the student care clinic, where I stuffily and miserably tried to explain the skin cracked in my nose and it kept bleeding. To which they responded:
"You have crack in your nose??"
If you knew me and my very non-crack or any other substance using self, you too would have been mortified. And the medication they had to prescribe (a very special nasal antibiotic & healing cream) is apparently in popular demand by, who else, drug abusers. Oh man did I want to crawl away from the pharmacy.
Hmm...A few years ago when I was having some "female" problems my gynocologist wanted to do an internal ultrasound. His wife, who is so very funny and sweet, is also his ultrasound tech. I was the first appointment of the day so she turned on the machine, inserted the wand and the machine started smoking and sputtering. She had to reschedule my appointment but not before she got her husband in there and they both cracked up telling me I was too hot for their machine.
OMG! LOL! I'm glad you weren't really putting that in your eyes!! Too bad Linus doesn't like the dentist. What's with the beds? Never heard of such a thing.
Ahhh, an embarrassing medical story - yes, I have one.
I have a large skin tag right under my rear-end cheek....at the underwear line. Not a place many people see, mind you.
I saw a substitute OB 2 years ago and during the EXAM (know what I mean?), she says "Oh, you have one of THESE too?" And as she said 'THESE' she flicked my skin tag back and forth with her fingers!! OMG! Unbelievable huh? I want to curl up and die just thinking about it!
I said, "Um, yup I do...." as my face turned 3 shades of red, and my eye balls rolled out of my head. Then she says, "I have one too and it makes me feel really self-conscious in a bathing suit." Um hello? You just FLICKED mine!! I don't feel so good about that!
Sadly, I have told several people my story, out of sheer disbelief, so I've already embarrassed myself way more than necessary. So glad to have done so again here. ;)
Hope I made someone laugh at least!
I didn't embarrass myself, but my doctor instead. I was at the OB/GYN having a 3-D ultrasound at 30 weeks - just for fun. The doc showed my son's little winkie and I said, "Is that it?" She said, "Yup, and there is no denying his sex. It is a large turtle shell with a little head poking out." I said, "Can you make a printout of that shot for me." She of course thought that was funny and said sure. She asked if she should title the picture for future reference. I said, "Nah, I will know, just put Like Father, Like Son." She turned so red and couldn't speak. I said, What is wrong? She said, I will have a hard time facing your husband the next time he comes in!
(Side story: Then, the printer wouldn't print the photo. On my next visit she walked into the room smiling broadly and handed me an 8x10 glossy color photo of my boy's winkie while in my womb! She said, she came back in on the weekend to fix the printer and when it started working that photo was the first to print out and so big and in color. She meant to do it like a normal ultrasound shot. We both died laughing and I scanned it and emailed it to everyone and then hung it on the fridge for like a year!
I'm trying to narrow down the 30,000 stories I have. I'll be back soon.
Laaaaannnnnnneeee...I'm sick. I NEED a Linus story. PLEASE? :)
Okay, I totally meant to do this sooner, hopefully I'm not too late.
Right after they found the huge brain-ness I was at a neurologist's office doing the full neuro exam, which involves a lot of mundane tasks. Because my cerebellum was all squished, many were coordination tasks.
So the doctor has me stand in the doorway, close my eyes and tells me that he's going to try to tip me and I should do my best to stay balanced. In my head, this meant, don't use anything but your ability to balance, in his head it meant, don't fall.
So he tipped me to the side and CRASH! side-of-head into the doorframe. He re-explained what I was supposed to do, I re-misunderstood and then he made the mistake of pulling me back towards himself. I, again, thought that I was just supposed to be able to balance myself with sheer force of will, actually fell all the way down that time...on top of him.
It was only after we both got up that I learned that I was allowed to move my feet and stop myself from falling. Needless to say, I did not pass the IQ portion of the test.
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