An Extra PSA

I've read a lot and heard a lot about adoptions lately. I wanted to take the time to clear up some misconceptions. I know that for the most part these misconceptions are completely innocent, but to those involved, they are very real. I'm also fully aware that there are some naysayers out there, and nothing I (nor anybody else) say will change their minds.

*Birthmothers are NOT all strung out, drug abusing people. Many birthmothers are simply in a place in life that they are unable to care for their baby the way they want/think the child deserves, so by placing the baby in another home, they are actually giving that baby all they could not.

*Birthmothers are NOT all teenagers. Many are in their 20s and 30s. Some are in their 40s.

*Teenage birthmothers are NOT selfish. Placing a baby is often a very hard and heart-wrenching decision. Teen (and other age) birthmothers are not always placing their baby out of convenience. They are placing out of love.

*Birthmothers do NOT give up their babies, they place them in loving homes.

*Open adoption is not a bad thing. There are tremendous benefits to everyone involved in open adoptions. Some people who benefit are birth families (mother, father, grandparents, etc), adopted child, and adoptive families (mother, father, grandparents, etc).

*Birthmothers are NOT always alone. Many times the birthfather and/or birth grandparent(s) are also involved.

*Being adopted does not define who a child is, it's simply part of their story.

*Yes, matches (when a birthmother has chosen a family but the baby has not been born yet) do fail on occasion, and yes, reclaims (when the birthmother decides to parent) do happen, but not all domestic adoptions are doomed to fail.

*No, with the laws today, if followed precisely, reclaim lawsuits are not with tons of merit. There are processes to go through with tribal relinquishments as well as birthfather and birthmother relinquishments. Yes, these do happen, but as long as laws are followed, this is rare. That's what adoption attorneys are for.

*Yes, there are people who are involved with emotional scams. Reputable adoption agencies are able to recognize *most* of them. Unfortunately, there is still heartbreak involved.

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What to say/not to say to a waiting family:

*Not a good idea: "Do you have a baby yet?" Better: "We're thinking about you and keeping you in mind if we hear of somebody wanting to place."

*Not a good idea: "How could a mother give up her child? I could never do it." Better: "What a difficult time this must be for the birthmother. I'll keep her in my thoughts."

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Thoughts to keep to yourself:

*Not a good idea: "I could never adopt. I don't want to raise somebody else's child." Many thanks, she IS my child.

*Not a good idea: "I couldn't adopt. I just couldn't handle the fear of losing the child." Isn't losing a child ANY parent's WORST nightmare? I'm not afraid of "losing" Linus to her birthmother, but my biggest fear is losing her to any other possibility: cancer, car accident, etc.

Not a good idea: "All adopted children have emotional problems." Really? Name one of Linus's problems.

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One last thought:
I know many people fear that the adopted child will eventually want to meet his/her birth family. Truthfully, I think many first time adoptive families have that fear in the beginning. It subsides relatively quickly for most though. I actually LOVE Linus's birthmom. I make sure Linus knows I love her birthmom. I want her to know it's ok with me if she wants to meet her. Many adopted children fear hurting the parents who raised them if they choose to meet the birth family. I don't want that fear to keep Linus from doing something she wants to do. Her birthmom and birth grandmom are FABULOUS people. If she wants to meet them, I'd fully support her. I feel it's her decision to make, though, not mine. I also make sure Linus knows her birthmom's decision to place was guided by her love for Linus. She wanted Linus to have everything she wasn't able to give her at that point in her life. Linus knows her birth story. We keep nothing from her, nor do we plan to. She happily tells people she grew in my heart. And, my goodness, is she right---my heart swells daily with love for her! :)

If you have anything to add or any questions, please let me know! :)

ETA: Please be sure to look at Jamielee's comment in the comment section. She has a great point.

Extra Word Play

For years now I've told Linus it is time for "Beddy Bye." Last night she was getting her Bitty Baby doll, Caroline, ready for bed. She gently dressed Caroline in her pajamas, cradled her head, and rocked her. Then she started walking towards her room and said, "Come on Caroline, it's time for Bitty Bye." :)
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The other day Linus and I were about to head out for some errands. I said, "Why don't you wear __________ (I can't even remember what I suggested)?" She told me, "I'd rather wear my pretty pink princess Happy Birthday shirt."

Your what???

My pretty pink princess Happy Birthday shirt!

Linus, you don't have a pretty pink princess Happy Birthday shirt.

She got a little grin and said, "Well, I guess I really need to get one then!"

An Extra Dose of Linus

Last year Linus and I were in Walgreens. They had their Halloween display out, and it included Winnie the Pooh and Tigger inflatables dressed in Halloween costumes. Linus (then 3!) totally out-witted me. Here's our conversation as we walked in:

L: Mommy, who is that?

M (slightly confused because I knew she knew who it was): Pooh

L: And who is that?

M (more confused because I really knew she knew who it was): Tigger

L: Oh. Do you know what Tigger says to Pooh at Halloween?

M: No, what?

L: TIGGER TREAT! (Get it? Tigger treat---> Trick-or-Treat)

The people who were near us cracked up, which just fueled Linus on. The WHOLE time we were at the store, and for days afterward, all we heard was "Tigger Treat!"

One of my friends loved it so much that she loaned us a Tigger costume. Poor Linus, she put it on, but it freaked her out.

Then I offered a bribe to get her to smile. It worked!

Then she got to change. She decided to be a ballerina. We took her trick-or-treating. Unfortunately, she didn't get the concept of staying at the door after she rang the doorbell. Oops!

I'll let you know how this year goes. :)

Extra Busy

I've been extra busy, but in a very good way. I've spent the last few weeks buried under loads of adoption work. We're finally at the point where we can see the light, but all that really means is we're at a point where we wait for a birthmother to choose us. Linus's birthmom is the most amazing person. I truly hope we are blessed with somebody as fabulous as she is.

:)

Extra Bible Lesson

Q: How do you know you eat out too often?

A: When your 4 year old tells you, "It's just like in the Bible in the Book of Papa John..."

Extra Funny! :)

Want to see something funny?

(click to make it larger and be sure to look at the horse's mouth!)
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When I said, "Smile!" I meant for Linus to smile, not the horse!

Extra Late

***Originally (as in DAYS ago) I was posting pics with this, but since the photo aspect of it is giving me fits, it's just text for now. Pics to follow in the next day or two, I hope!***

Sorry about the delay, I've been sick.



Kim was right, we went to Disney. Yummy treat on the way, Kim.



Favorite thing Linus said at DW (as Alice in Wonderland went by at the parade & with a look of total amazement):

Wow! This place really IS a wonderland!



Favorite rides:

Linus--ALL of them. I made her narrow it down, and this is what I got: magic carpet ride, Thunder Mountain, Goofy's Roller coaster, Peter Pan, It's a Small World, carousel, Test Track, and Pirates of the Caribbean.

Mine: Thunder Mountain and Pirates of the Caribbean (same as always!)

Army: liked all of them except Thunder Mountain



Least Favorite Ride:

All of us: Dinosaur (I think that's what it's called). It's at Animal Kingdom, and you go on a jeep-ish ride. We all HATED it!

Extra Busy!

I've been busy, busy, busy trying to catch up on laundry, work my volunteer hours, work on adoption stuff (no, no news yet), and keep my family fed. I'm going to leave you with some valuable princess information just in case you visit Disney anytime soon.

I'm sure other children have said this in the past, but Linus never really did, so we got a HUGE laugh out of it when my niece (2.5) said it...

Big A has a placemat with all the Disney princesses on it. She was naming the ones she knew for my sister. "This is Cinderwewa, this is Snow White, and this is Sleeping Booty. Oops! No saying booty. Sorry Mommy! This is Sleeping Hiney." :) When my sis called our mom later that evening, Big A told my mom that she has a placemat with Sleepy Hiney on it!