My Amazing Dad

I'm having trouble going to sleep tonight. My mind won't give in and let my tired body sleep. I'm painfully aware that by going to sleep tonight, I'll wake up tomorrow, and with tomorrow's dawn brings the new part of my identity--the part I never wanted to have. This morning was the last day I got to wake up without a huge hole in my heart. I don't want tomorrow to come. I want to hold on to today as long as I possibly can. Technically it's already tomorrow (I tweaked the date stamp on this entry), but since I haven't slept yet, I can still pretend it's not. Today, I can say I saw my dad. I touched my dad. I kissed his forehead. I hugged him. It all ended today though.

Today my dad passed away.

Today my heart broke.

Today I woke up as a girl with a living father. Beginning tomorrow, and for the remainder of my life, I'll be a girl with a father who is no longer living. A girl who can never again hear his voice. Hear him tell me how proud of me his is. I can no longer watch him dissolve my girls into precious giggles with his antics. I am so thankful that I did have those opportunities despite the pain I feel right now.

As thankful as I am, though, I just can't give in to sleep. I want to hold on to today as long as I possibly can...

The day I got to be with my dad.

The last day he was alive.


To see what an amazing man he was, read here and here.

The Power of Seven

Linus had an amazingly good day today. She's my spirited child, and many of her days are spent bouncing from one thing to the next. Today she made an effort to enjoy life like only Linus can, yet do so in a calm manner. She did a fantastic job. Seriously fantastic. When we talked about what a great day she had, I asked her if she noticed the difference. Yes, she did. I asked her if she felt any different during the day. Yes, she did. I asked her how she felt different. Seven. Seven? Yes, seven. "I felt seven years old, Mama. Not six and three quarters, but seven!" Ahh, to look forward to counting each and every fourth of a year! :)

Happy 2010!

Happy New Year to everyone in blogland!

I'm hoping to get back to regular blogging. In the past I've used it as a way to remember the cute things Linus said. Lolly has joined the cute sayings now, and remembering for two is twice as hard (duh!), so I've GOT to write it down.
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We had a fantastic Christmas. Linus loved every. single. thing. she got. Lolly still has one unopened present. She only got five things total from Santa and us, so it's not like we went overboard. I simply forgot how long it takes my girls to open presents. They give each gift due time before moving on to another. Lolly thinks her world is complete with a phone, remote, and purse though. :)

Merry Christmas from my two favorite kiddos and me...

Linus, 6 yrs


Lolly, 16 months