An Extra Dose of Drugs

I’m beginning to think Linus truly enjoys embarrassing me. At her Thanksgiving lunch at preschool, they were asked to tell what they were thankful for. Linus said, “I’m thankful for my mommy, daddy, puppy, and my new little brother.” Everybody’s head turned so quickly I swear there was a swooshing noise. Um, no. No news on my end. Linus is an only child. NO brothers, no sisters. No, I wasn’t pregnant. Just as everybody is turning back to listen to the next child, Linus pipes in with, “oh, and I’m thankful for my crack house that I live in.” I couldn’t help myself. I had to interrupt. “What Linus? What do you mean?” With slow and deliberate words, she answered, “I’m thankful for our crack house, Mommy. I’m glad we have a crack house to live in.” After a few back and forths about this, we finally established that we had a slight crack in our house near the front door, thus we had a crack house. Duh Mommy!

The other day we were playing and the phone rang. I answered it, and she continued to play in her kitchen. While I’m on the phone, Linus comes over to me and puts something on my head. Then she announces loudly enough for the person on the other end of the phone to hear, “My mommy is a pothead!” Yes, she had put a pot on my head, thus making me a pothead! Yeah, try explaining to somebody that has already heard that you live in a crack house that you really aren’t a pot head even though your 4 year old announces you are.

For the record, I am not a pot head and we do not live in a crack house! :) And, no, she does not hear the terms pothead and crack house on a regular basis. We've also since repaired the crack near our front door!

An Extra (extra) Dose of Embarrassment

A few months ago, we packed up and headed to my sister's city for a nice weekend with family. My sis has plenty of room, but since Linus is full of personality, we always get a hotel. Generally we get a Residence Inn type suite and share it with my parents. During our last trip down, the fire alarm went off at 4 in the morning, and we all had to evacuate, so we chose a different location, and we knew we'd be saved the drama this time. Seriously, I should know better. Friday was great, SaturDAY was great. Our plans for Saturday evening were to leave Linus with her cousins and my brother-in-law's parents while we drove about an hour away to a wedding. My mother had been in that city all day visiting her sister and friends, and we were going to meet her. After a late lunch and a few errands with my sister, my father, Army, Linus, and I filled up the SUV with gas so we wouldn't have to stop on the way to or from the wedding. After filling up, we showered, got dressed, and headed to my sister's to drop off Linus and pick up sis and bro-in-law. Dang it if the car doesn't start. At all. No cranking, nothing. We call OnStar. They were no help. My father and Army discuss what could be wrong, and Linus immediately offers that it must be the gasoline. We were stuck in that town for two days while our car was repaired. On the final day, we walked from our hotel to Chili's for lunch. Despite my repeated pleas, Linus just could not manage to use her inside voice. The she did it. She managed to embarrass Army and me so badly that we both turned every shade of red. After announcing that we lost her panties (to clarify, we lost an entire package of panties, but we had plenty more), she announced to the entire restaurant, "WE HAD TO STAY AT A HOTEL LAST NIGHT BECAUSE WE HAVE BAD GAS!" I wanted to crawl under the table. Remember her thoughts as to why the car didn't work? She thought the gas we put in Saturday made the car stop working. NOBODY else in the restaurant knew that she was talking about gasoline though! Ugh!

An Extra Dose of Embarrassment!

I took Linus to lunch at a local restaurant that I love in the town where my parents live. It was just the two of us. Here's our conversation:

Linus: Mommy, look at his pecker.
Me: Linus, let's play I spy. I spy with my little eye something green.
Linus: Is it the leaf, Mommy? Look, he has a pecker too!
Me: Ok, Linus, your turn. What do you spy?
Linus: I spy something blue. (then a guy walks by and she looks in his direction). Look Mommy he has a big pecker!
Me: (thinking...blue...blue...find something BLUE!)
Linus looks in another direction and says, "and he has a small pecker"
Me: Um, blue! Uh, could it be that chair?
Linus: No
Me: (BLUE, BLUE, find something blue!), could it be that picture?
Linus: No, look mommy, his pecker is hard and looks old!
Me: Linus, shhh, we'll talk about that later!
Linus: Why Mommy, don't you see his pecker?
Me: Linus, ssshhhhh!
Linus: Look, Mommy, his pecker is different colors! And llllooooooonnnnnggggg! Then she points up near the ceiling.

I looked up and there was a parrot! The restaurant has fake trees with lots of parrots! She was talking about the parrot's beak!

Whoosh, big sigh of relief! Still embarrassed, but sooo glad my 4 year old princess doesn't know that kind of pecker!

An Extra Dose of Awwww!

We were watching Lion King, and it was at the part where Simba's dad falls off the cliff and dies. Linus said, "Oh no, Mommy! What happened to Zimba's Daddy? Did he die?" I said, "Yes, Linus, he did die." She immediately said, "Just like Jesus, he died to save somebody he loved."

Ahhh, my heart swelled with pride!

So What Is Lagniappe?

Lagniappe means a little extra. It's like a baker's dozen. It's that extra little something that makes you smile.